It’s one thing to make decisions that affect others more than yourself; it’s another thing altogether to make a decision that has a profound effect on your own life. That’s the kind of decision my wife and I made in November 2006.
That fall we became the only members of our family remaining in the Philadelphia suburbs. We were living in the home we had occupied 27 years. For the first time since 1979 we had no family nearby—after always having live-in kids, parents in life care communities, or an adult child close. Our son and his family had recently moved from near us to Sudbury, Massachusetts, and our daughter lived with her family in Broomfield, Colorado. Both our parents had died and we found ourselves “home alone.”
We decided that it was time to move closer to our kids. But which one? Which of the two is least likely to move in the future? That’s a key question. The “winner” was our son and his family: our daughter-in-law, a 10 year-old granddaughter and a 5 year-old grandson in Sudbury.
Thus began a two-year process during which we projected a winter 2008-09 move-in date to a newly built home in a 55+ community in Sudbury. But it didn’t work out quite as planned.
In September 2007 while we were on vacation, a water pipe burst in our home ruining much of the first floor hardwood and causing extensive water damage to 28 years of “bits and pieces” stored in the basement where it had literally rained for 24 hours. The move decision time had arrived more dramatically and much sooner than I could have imagined! The flood precipitated (no pun intended) the Herculean task of cleaning out and dumping a lot of our accumulated stuff. Suddenly a year had been removed from our previously sedate schedule for downsizing.
The professionally done cleanup produced a home that, with a little more work and staging, would be ready to sell in the spring of 2008. So we moved our relocation schedule up, and in October 2007 picked a different home in the Sudbury 55+ community, one that was scheduled for March 2008 occupancy.
March 2008 proved to be only a guesstimate, however. With a horrendous 2007-08 winter in Sudbury, the closing date was slipped and slipped, but never more than for a few weeks at a time. And never with a true “date certain.” But we decided to put our house on the market in March 2008 and hope to sell it before we were forced to close in Sudbury.
Another decision was to price our house competitively, because the housing market was already softening. We were given excellent “intelligence” from our realtor, and set an attractive, but not a distress level price. We had about 20 showings in the first 8 days, received three offers, and ended up accepting an excellent one from very responsible buyers. We closed on the sale June 27. This seemed a positive omen regarding the decision to move to Sudbury.
But now we were homeless! The Sudbury closing date was vague—sometime in July. So we decided to store the furniture and live in a residence hotel in the Sudbury area. This gave us time to watch the progress on our home, plead for an earlier closing date, and finally occupy it July 23, 2008.
None of these many decisions really affected our lives as much as the actuality of leaving a familiar place after 29 years and making a fresh start in a lovely old New England town about 25 miles west of Boston.
My wife always has been more comfortable adapting to a new community than I have. We had moved 6 times before and I acquired a built-in set of relationships, since each time the move had been to take a different IBM job. I walked right into relationships at work. But I took a while to develop other relationships within the new community. My wife had to develop a new set of relationships in an unfamiliar community after each move and she learned how to do that.
This move has been different for me. No built-in relationships. Even though retired, I had been working part time as a group facilitator and executive coach in the Philadelphia area and had a string of connections a mile long. This kept me active and out of the house a good deal. But none of those relationships offered a built-in set of connections in Sudbury.
Of course one of the relationships we cherish most has now been restored: our grandchildren are 15 minutes away. Our grandson, now 7 and growing taller every day, had spent the first three years of his life literally in our arms several times a week. Then he moved with his parents and older sister to Sudbury. Only 3 years old at the time, he could not understand why he could not see Grammy and Granddad each week. He never got past that and so our move here has been a good thing for him and for the others as well. Tommy visits a couple of times a week after school and stays for dinner. I’m not sure who likes it more: Tommy or his grandparents. We have a lot of fun together.
Fortunately my hobbies and interests have helped me meet folks in the Sudbury area. Contrary to what you might expect in a traditional New England town, the people are warm and welcoming, and happy to include us in their community activities. As an experienced choral singer blessed with a first tenor range, my voice is appreciated in a 90-member chorus and in a small church choir. As a photographer, I enjoy the opportunity to have my work judged in one camera club, and show my work in another. Field trips with photographers also have proved enjoyable and educational. I also have continued as a Crown Financial Ministries Money Map Coach helping financially stressed families develop spending plans and pay down debt so they can become financially free. The calls for help come from people almost daily.
I am still looking, though, for something more that will take me out of the home during the day. While I maintain a telephone coaching role I greatly enjoy with company owners, I would also like to find a reason to be out of the house more in the daytime.
The question now is just how serious am I about that? Joining a chamber of commerce is a possibility, but that assumes a commitment to build a coaching/consulting business here, and I’m not sure I want to make that “investment.” A volunteer role that can use me effectively is another possibility and I need to explore that more seriously.
I must admit, however, that I enjoy the luxury of consuming two cups of coffee, the Boston Globe and the Wall Street Journal each morning. And I am shooting some interesting outdoor images around New England. But that is not the same as developing something self-challenging outside the house.
A string of decisions have led us here to a great home where I no longer concern myself with snow removal, leaf raking, lawn mowing, etc. I could accept this new status quo and enjoy a low pressure life—that’s one decision. But those who know me understand it would not suit me for long.
Decisions, decisions. I still need to make more of them. It’s certainly a do-over time for me after 29 years in one place. And it’s a significant change. But change seems to be in the wind in 2009. And I like change. Stay tuned!
PS: Any suggestions?
